slowly but surely im getting stuff done to my house…

• drywall work in the kitchen around my new garden window
• finish dry wall patches throughout the kitchen, dining area, living room (had to cut holes
  to install new recessed lights
• master bathroom complete remodel (currently the only thing in the room in a new tile floor, i
  need to patch the walls, install new baseboard and all the fixtures, furniture, toilet and shower
  doors
• reroute the coax cable in my house through the attic crawl space
• window coverings for my computer room, and guest room
• install doors in upstairs (currently none of the rooms have doors, not even the bathroom!)
• buy and install some drystack stone on my fireplace
• retexture the ceiling downstairs

I had to craw around my fiberglass insulation attic, cut more holes in walls (more dry wall work needed now… blah). After several hours, I had won. coax cable aint got nothing on me!

Yesterday I made one of the toughest decisions of my life. Its something that I never wanted to do, but I could feel it coming from day one. Those will forever be my
salad days.

Im going to remain vague until all of the details shake out, then I'll make a more detailed post. For now Im just going to post some quotes from some AFI songs.

"Six figures enter; they've come to destroy the world. They've called together this storm almost every night. I awake in another place. A familiar voice with a stranger's face speaks more unheard words. What new friends will the day bring? One for one thousand acquainted. What new home will the night bring? When it all comes down you just throw the bones. On the way I saw five hours of sleep but your fire makes it all worth while. On the way I wrote words for you to keep. On the way, I saw myself. Lost myself along the way."
–AFI
"6 To 8"

"Look what I've built. It shines so beautifully!
Now watch as it destroys me."
–AFI
"The leaving song part II"

Why havent I updated this recently? It could be due to the fact that I have been working like a

mad man at my job. The project I have been working on since august is coming to a close. Im the

*ONLY* developer on the project, thats a good thing and a stressful thing at times. Its cool

because I build things the way I want, but it also sucks because when things come down to the

wire, im the only one there for support. Ive been putting in extra long days this week, Monday I

worked from 8am to 11pm. I dont mind it though, I get paid by the hour, and I got a pretty gppd

raise last week, so Im not complaining. I could be doing something other then thinking and typing

all day, I could be doing something like construction work… wait.. I do that at home in my

spare time.

My condo is a major construction zone. Current projects include but are not limited to:

• drywall work in the kitchen around my new garden window
• finish dry wall patches throughout the kitchen, dining area, living room (had to cut holes

  to install new recessed lights

• master bathroom complete remodel (currently the only thing in the room in a new tile floor, i

  need to patch the walls, install new baseboard and all the fixtures, furnature, toilet and shower

  doors

• reroute the coax cable in my house through the attic crawl space
• window coverings for my computer room, and guest room
• install doors in upstairs (currently none of the rooms have doors, not even the

  bathroom!)

• buy and install some drystack stone on my fireplace (this is what I want to do)
• retexture the ceiling downstairs

I have even more things that I plan on doing to my house. Its just going to take me a lot more

time and a lot more money. I ordered new kitchen cabinate doors and drawer fronts (style : single shaker,

color : cherrystone maple. The price was really reasonable compared to what i got quotes for.

I guess building materials are cheap, its the labor and skill that cost alot in construction and

remodeling jobs.

Im also doing some free lance work for a Skincare company and for a speaker company. Im a very very busy guy.

notPop has been suffering lately due to lack of attention on my part. When I started notPop I

wanted to create something with my computer that would become a living creature. Something that

was always growing and changing without neding my interaction. I think I was very successful at

that. Right now I view notPop as bush that I planted in the ground years ago. When is was small,

it was easy to care for, now that its grown very large, its wild and out of control, I need to

trim it up and get it back into a managable state. I think im going to start devoting 1 or 2

nights a week to notpop regardless of what construction/remodeling job I have going on.

Also sitting down in front of the computer more will encourage me to drop quick notes and

enhancements into my blog.

on top of all of this stuff, im planning on starting a clothing line. Am I ambitious to take on

all of these things, or am I just retarded?

I love my Grandma. I've never called her "grandma" though. Ever since I could remember I

called her "Nana", I don�t know why, I just always have, that�s who is to me.

She�s had health problems since I can remember also. Almost 5 years ago, when my grandpa

started to get really sick with leukemia my mom started to stay at her house to care for them

both. That was the last time that I lived with my mom. She has never come home from my Nana�s

house. After my grandpa passed away, my mom was consumed with caring for my grandma, by this

time she was bound to a wheel chair. My dad and I lived together and my brother and mom lived

together. It wasn�t long before my dad was soon staying there also, leaving me alone in my

family�s old house. Fast-forward several years. My brother moved back home with me, I moved

into my own house, I got married and am starting a family of my own.

During all of the moves, my Nana's health was on a steady decline. She became bed ridden and

100% dependent on my mom for her care. Simple tasks such as going to the bathroom, and eating

food were things that my nana wasn�t able to do by her self. I�ve seen the stress it causes on

my mom, but I�ve also seen the true love that she has for her mother. The only breaks in my

mom�s non-stop job have been the periods where my Nana became very ill and was admitted into

the hospital. Even then my mom would spend hours with my Nana.

We have had several close calls with her, but each time she has pulled through. Several weeks

ago, my Nana got really sick and was admitted to the hospital. I went to visit her after she

was admitted. I brought her a picture of my soon to be wife and I from the day we got engaged.

She told me hang it on the wall opposite of her bed so she could look at us all the time. She

was saddened that she wasn�t going to be able to make my wedding, but I understood. She told

me that she was proud of the man I had become and that I had chosen a wonderful woman to

marry.

As I got married, and my Nana's condition worsened. The nurses told my family that she kept

looking out of the window and talking about how it was a shame that it was raining on her

Grandson's wedding day, and that she wished it would stop. My mom brought her one of the

flower arrangements that we had at the wedding, and told her stories about the wedding in

detail.

I became occupied with my wife and my roles as a new husband, while my Nana's condition

worsened. The doctors found critical problems with her intestines, and had to perform

emergency surgery. They gave her a 50/50 chance of living through the operation. She made it

through. With a lot of prayer from my friends, and Gods grace, she made it through, and the

doctors were able to save her. She was on a breathing machine until she became stable. She was

taken off of the machines a few days later. Still weak from the surgery, she was unable to

communicate clearly with my family. Her breathing became labored, and the hospital staff

hooked her back up to life support. Her condition has gotten worse over the last few days. The

machines are keeping her alive now.

During my lunch break today, my mom called me and informed me that the doctors wanted to meet

with her about removing my Nana from life support. It�s a hard decision for my mom. My mom has

gone from taking care of her children to taking care of her mother. Taking care of people has

been constant in my mom�s life for years now.

*UPDATE*

As I was working on this blog entry on Wenesday, I got a phone call from my mom. My Nana is barely

conscious. They started a morphine drip to ease her pain, the doctors don�t think it will be

long now.

I left work and raced over to the hospital. On the way, I prayed hard. I called Thommy and

asked him for advice and for prayer [side note: I love the fact that I have friends that are

there for me both physically and spiritually]. Talking to Thommy really helped me out.

My Nana was in bad shape. Her eyes were closed but the nurses told me that she could still

hear me; she was just to weak to move. I held her hand, and told her that I was there. Her

vital signs jumped, and her thumb started to twitch. I knew that my Nana was still inside

there and knew that I was there. I tried my best to hold back the tears, but I couldn�t.

I told my Nana that it I loved her, as I kissed her on the head. My family that was there was

very shaken up. My mom was a wreck. I don�t know If I handle death better then most people

because I don�t fear death because I know Jesus is on my side, or I was just trying to be

strong for my mom, and be a pillar for her to lean on.
I asked to be alone with my Nana; my family left the room. I got to tell my Nana how much she

means to me and how much I loved her, and how her influences will continue on, through my

children one day. Her vital signs were racing and her little thumb was jumping around in my

hand. I also took the time to tell her about Jesus, His promises, and Heaven. I also told her

about the vision I had received after grandpa had died (that�s a whole blog entry in itself).

At that point her vitals spiked the highest I had seen them. Her pulse was nearing 150, both

of her hands were twitching, her feet started to move a little, and tears started to come from

her closed eyes. I knew she could hear me, and I knew she understood what I was saying. I

wiped them away, kissed her head, and prayed over her. I was glad that I got to share with

her. Afterwards I calm came over me. I was still sad, but not as upset about the situation.

Maybe it was just in my head, but I like to believe my peace was give to me from the Lord.

I'll know for one day, that is certain, and I hope to see my loving Nana there when I do.

My mom was a wreck over the situation, and I don�t blame her. For years my mom�s daily 24-hour

job was the constant care of my Nana. Her world would be changing drastically very shortly. I

held on to her and told her that things would be all right. I was able to share with her some

of the truths that I know about life, death, and Heaven. My mom isn�t a Christian, but I was

able to share with her some portions of the Bible, and some verses that I had been thinking

about through the day. It will be interesting to see where this experience will lead my family

spiritually. I assured my mom that it is promised we receive new and perfect bodies in Heaven.

A perfect body was something that my Nana never knew. Talking to my mom helped her. It also

helped me to further understand that the promises laid out for me aren�t empty promises.

My Nana's condition hadn�t changed in the 3 hours that I was there. I had a business meeting

at 9pm in Redlands. I told my mom to call me if there was any change in her condition.

On the way back to Redlands, I tried to call Thommy again, I couldn�t get a hold of him, so I

called Jacob. I and asked him for some verses that I could share with my family, and that I

could read over. He said he would call me back right away; he was going to talk to Thommy and

Eden. I hung up and called Chris Rodney, he was right there for me also, and gave me some

verses. Jacob called back and
gave me some more. My friends are truly more then social partners, and acquaintances; they are

both my physical and spiritual family. Talking to them helped me even more.

About 11:30 I got the call from my mom. The doctors were going to remove her respirator; they

had done all they could for her. I raced back to the hospital. The guard tried to stop me, but

I side stepped him and kept walking. Nothing was going to keep me away from my family.

When I got to the room, my nanas brother and sister were there, along with the rest of my

family. A few minutes after I was there, the nurses removed her breathing tube. Her vital

signs started to stop decline. We stood there and held her hand while crying, and telling her

that it was ok to go, to go see my Grandpa again.

My Nana left this world at 12:23 am, March 17th 2005

Lightness filled the hospital room. It felt like a weight had been lifted. Everyone in the

room felt it. That made me smile. There was still a lot of crying. I was crying as well.

I�m glad that I saw given such a wonderful Nana, who always made me feel loved and cared for.

She was absolutely the sweetest woman that I have ever known. I don�t think she had a single

mean bone in her body. Despite the pain and discomfort that she was constantly in, she always

had a smile on her face, and laugh coming out of her mouth. I�m glad that my wife got to meet

her and get to know her. I�m confident that I will see her again in heaven, along with my

Grandpa.

Losing a loved one is always hard, but they are never really gone as long as we keep our

memories of them alive in minds, and the love we shared with them in our hearts.

I went home to Amy that night, and cried as she held me. The last words My Nana told me were

correct; I have chosen a wonderful woman to be married to.

So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown a perishable body, it is raised an

imperishable body; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it

is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a

natural body, there is also a spiritual body.

(1 Corinthians 15:42-44)

He shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and there shall no longer be any death; there

shall no longer be any mourning, or crying, or pain; the first things have passed away.

(Revelation 21:4)